My Friends Don't Get What Being Single After 60 Means... Here's What I Want Them to Know!

Comments

  1. Hello there!I am so pleased I found this community! I am sixty in June and am being retired for some medical reasons. My husband left for a younger woman 7 yrs ago and I now live with my 91 yr old mum… things are tricky and I have already got so much help from your channel.. my married friends don't bother with me anymore.. they did for a bit, but they said I wasn't the same!! Well, no!!! I am working my way through all your videos and they're great!! Haven't been on any dates or anything… no one shown any interest and to be honest, I think I'm best on my own. Who would want someone who lives with their mother anyway!! Thanks so much for all your helpful advice!! x

  2. Husband passed away age 51, don't make me count I'm 65, my kids big me about me moving in (son) me moving in 1 of their bedrooms, I ask them can I build a tiny house on their property they said NO, I said I'm fine here, so leave me alone, I'm leaving in 570 sq feet place, I'm cool. Thanks Sweetie

  3. I have been a widow for almost two years. Over the last couple of months, I have literally shared a similar message with couples with whom my husband and I were friendly. (This was a ‘rain into,’ not ‘included’ setting.) They just don’t want to hear it – and I include a church elder in the mix.

  4. Is the need to have only couples or equal amounts of people an older adult thing? I'm around people of all ages and I've never even thought of this. Maybe because I'm not going to formal occasions.

  5. I lost my husband when I was 36 and all my married friends dropped me. I tried to make friends with some divorced women but they were looking for a man and I always got "dropped" whenever they found someone. It was just awful. I'm 58 now and I've become invisible. I have long since busied myself in solitude but it's sure not my preference. The collapse of our society has so many horrible consequences and I guess losing older women is just one of them.

  6. I've been single my whole life. Around 37 I realized I simply kept attracting a "type" that wouldn't make me very happy (nor would I make them happy) and would probably lead to divorce. Fast forward to 66, and I'm very happy. I have married and single friends of all types and ages, some closer than others. Having survived many family losses, but still feeling grateful and at peace. Lots of inner work, but well worth the outcome at this stage of life – contentment, self-acceptance, self-love, compassion, kindness, humor, fun. It's a wonderful life.

  7. W
    Happy New Year Margaret! I usually enjoy listening to your blogs. I feel that this one sort of makes divorced women a "special case" because you haven't mentioned women who lose their husbands suddenly when they are in their 60s. I was 64 & married to my husband for 43 years. There is a massive shift in attitudes towards you as a single person just the same. You become an "odd number " (Cruse quote) which I have found to be true. I received absolutely no support from my family what so ever. I was and still on my own. It's the type of hurt that you live with daily. I am 70 now and have learned to live with it….but I don't believe divorcees have it harder. They have a choice, people who have lost their husbands or wives don't. Some people even avoid you because they don't want to see or deal with someone else's grief. I feel very strongly about this & sometimes it is less hurtful to try to form your own life. Fortunately I have hobbies & do things myself. Doesn't stop me feeling vulnerable or make me miss my lovely, honest & dependable husband any less. My whole point here is I don't necessarily think that people who divorce have it harder. I think single people face challenges. The person in grief however have to got on with it with the grief. Luckily I have a very good & lovely Son. He is much like his dad was, hardworking, kind, honest & dependable. I don't rely on him & I like to be independent. My husband was my best friend, he was diagnosed with lung cancer & had died within two weeks.

  8. That is why people should cultivate their own friendships, and put the work in that is required. Work and compromise is required in all relationships. If someone was a good friend to me while they were married, I will be a good friend to them when they are single. I have not been married and have a lot of single and married friends.

  9. Im single woman who never met anyone although i tried to find a guy. At 60 iv retired from my job of 38 yrs at a women's health facility. Im lonely n try to go out on my mine at times because most friends are busy. Iv x given up the idea of marriage. Hopefully i will b lucky in 2020..Thank u for your insights.i will add them to my life. Cheers!

  10. Darling I’m in my 30s… been single for 7 years and I get constantly discriminated against. What’s wrong with you? Why your not dating? Why your not married? Why you don’t have kids?
    Uggghhh I’m happily single lol ♥️♥️♥️
    Ps:. I have zero intentions of ever getting married.

  11. A divorce is different–it often tangentially forces friends to choose a side. Maybe there's an inherent judgement about what occurred in your marriage. And Christian churches will twist their scriptures and bash you mercilessly ; they refuse to see a difference in the original language words for "putting away" and "divorce." Christians won't even take the time to realize that while it takes two to become married, it really only takes one of you to divorce the other–but since you're "divorced" you wear the Scarlet D of shame forever. (But then, so does the Almighty. He, too, is a divorced person–but the church doesn't like to talk about that. It doesn't quite align with their fake replacement theology.)

    Me: I was widowed at 59 three years ago. Now I'm just the 5th wheel, the odd one out, that nobody knows what to do with in couples-y things.

  12. This gives me a lot of insight of how my mom might be feeling at age 63 and being divorced for 6 years after being married for 33 years, she is much happier divorced from dad! I myself, being single at age 33, i can’t even imagine how mom feels being single at age 63!! I make sure I always involve my mom in my life and include her in holidays and even help her meet new guys her age:). She lives with me at the moment and I help her as well as her helping me as we are both single at our respective ages!:) I really love this youtube channel and appreciate all the videos and pass this on to mom, my aunties and the Canberra, capital of Australia facebook community group called the Canberra Notice Board!:) Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year to you!:) love jess

  13. 5 reasons I don't approve of, of course, but they do exist, why you stop being invited. And possible solutions : 1. Your married friends might be genuinely embarrassed, wondering how to deal with you or have a conversation, and to reach the right balance between too much compassion and not enough. Solution : put them at ease and say very frankly you need  support but are trying to move on. And that there are other topics. Ask them how they are, that's the key. 2. As re. invitations, nobody is going to invite you just after a mourning or the week  after the divorce. That's just decency. But not inviting you any more afterwards is cruel. Probably they fear you will be saddening the party . Solution : if you have them on the phone or meet them, plainly tell them you hope this won't be the end of the friendship and that invitations are welcome and that you won't spoil the lunch/tea whatever. Of course say it with humour, try the old phone trick : smile while you talk.3. Some couples fear you're into such financial difficulties that any invitation will embarrass you since you'll be less able to invite back. Some others are just plain snobs who think you're not affluent enough any more, to mingle with them. No big loss if they are so low-minded. Now a solution for the first type : casually mention your situation hasn't worsened and that you'd be pleased to have them over or invite at a restaurant or concert or just a coffee. 4. Let's face it : some women just fear you'll snatch their husbands away, especially if you"'re still attractive. They think now you're "back on the market"… The solution : try and have a conversation and let them subtly understand you don't intend remarrying or dating . Not sure it'll work if they're that stupid. Always try and have conversations, don't let things unsaid, and above all try and appear as brave and nice as possible, not whining. And give invitations back, even just over a tea, in a nice tea-room of you feel sad at home.

  14. I'm single and 60……never been married……….I do have a 25 year old daughter from a previous relationship, a boyfriend, not a husband. It's hard to be alone and raise a child, but I did have a lot of help from my parents.

  15. I tried to comment yesterday but it doesn't seem to have worked so I'll try again. Sorry if this somehow duplicates! I think women who become single later in life my be shocked about being treated the way they may have treated singletons the whole time they were married. Those of us who have been single all our lives have known how it feels to be socially ostracized for most of our adult lives. Maybe those who were previously married can be sure to pass along lessons they've learned now that they are single to their children/grandchildren. It may help to prevent future lifelong singles from feeling so isolated and left out. ALL singletons should be treated and included as the equals they, in fact, are.

  16. Being single after "married couple" you are left out of ALMOST EVERYTHING!!!!! If someone stays as a true friend……you know that they were your TRUE FRIEND ALL ALONG….the others, you just don't need them anyway!!!

  17. There are meetups for older singles, when your married friends shun or abandon you. Lots of book club meetups and so on as well. I would avoid dating apps in general. They don't work.

  18. I can relate to this video.I am a single woman in my sixties, and the few friends that I have are still married.I love to travel, and socializing , but I find that I am not included anymore in travels and gatherings.I am retired and I missed the gatherings I had with work colleagues at this time of the year.Some people would say to me let’s meet up for coffee, but they never follow through .I have since joined a meet up group, and now I have a choice to participate.I love my single life..it gives me the freedom to do whatever I want, as long as no one gets hurt along my journey. I keep myself busy with volunteering and reading..spending time with my grandchildren, while they are still young.Looking to go on some solo trips and cruises this coming year..

  19. Hi I would ask you something that struggle me a lot : what to do with intimate very personal stuff like diaries, pictures and so? I was thinking to put all that in the garbage… Could you make a video about that problem please? I love your scarf the colors are beautiful, I m a scarfs collector… Your Sophie from Paris

  20. I've been single since my divorce 25 years ago, and I'm thriving in it. Men my age are wrecks, so I keep busy with work I choose, relationships I choose, and a schedule I choose. I have traveled, moved around, and my grown children are the family I have left.

  21. Although I am a happy single woman over 60, I have been widowed for 30 years. and divorced for 3. Being widowed, is much harder to get friends and keep them. People assume that widows are after their husbands, they don't want to be one and fear that it is "catching" and they are embarrassed how to act around you.

  22. I have been widowed almost 7 years now and I am 65. I thank my lucky stars that my 4 closest friends are single also. It is definitely different to be a singleton out there now days.

  23. Divorced…..big deal !
    There are ladies who have been single their entire lives . You know the ones, the ones that can change a lightbulb or a plug! Learn to depend on no one but yourself and appreciate your plus one as just that… a plus one. You are enough!

  24. I know this is just as true for most men they just don't let anyone know because that's not "manly". That probably makes things even harder for them.

  25. If you would like to be a "nurse with a purse" there are thousands of men out there willing to take you up on that offer. Of course, most are leeches (IMHO) but you certainly will have a companion for the rest of their lives. A friend of mine has been thru two losers in the past 5 years but she has finally realized that single is way better than used!

  26. Ladies: If you all like singlehood, that's wonderful. But, I am plagued with thoughts of dying alone, no one to care for, or about, me. We surely cannot depend on our busy, adult children, if we have them! Can most of us afford lovely, senior living communities? Often..no. Then, what?

  27. No regrets in leaving my long term partner years ago . Being single sometimes has brought some very difficult challenges . Having chronic ill health I will be the first to admit sometimes I would love to have a partner . Also Being a carer for my adult child for years meant I was consistently giving . I can’t believe how strong I’ve had to be at time’s . I have never considered myself as a strong person . Single Male friends have often been more supportive than females , just my experience of course . Still I do enjoy many aspects of being single . I’m so free and wouldn’t give it up easily . Love it when Barbara Streisand said in the Movie Guilt Trip , I want to eat M & Ms in bed . Hugs to All 💞 I’d like to tell a few funny stories about my past dating but fear I might offend .

  28. Margaret, what a wonderfully relevant topic! It's quite the journey, for certain. I find widowhood lonely; I still miss him, after 26 years. I was engaged to someone. I had met 6 years later; however, things took a left, and we broke up. Both are now deceased, and here I am. All these men here in the states seem.to be seeking much younger women.."eye candy", if you will. I've given up my dream of having a male companion with whom to share my later years. Yes, married women are terrified of widows for several reasons; very sad. Whatever moments of joy we can shore up, we have to do it on our own. Not much of a social life, but I try to do my best every day and accept what seems impossible now to change. Thank you SO much for giving us a voice to discuss the "hard stuff". You look lovely in that color! Rosemarie xo

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